Now I don’t know if it’s just me, but I think Valentines day is only for teenagers. Once you have found your true love, that love should be expressed every day, by random acts of kindness, by listening to your partner and supporting each other, not by the type of restaurant you choose to go to, or the flowers you choose to send.
Valentines day is only there for the card companies and flower growers to get richer, not to validate your relationship. If you think I’m cynical then that’s ok, I worked long enough in the advertising industry to know what has real value.
What makes a good relationship varies from couple to couple. I always thought it was the ability to compromise, but back in 2014 I went on a couples course with the Humans Givens group, to find that relationships work best if you and your partner do things in the same way. So you can have 2 people who argue like nothing on earth, but that’s how they both communicate. If you had a shouter plus a sulker, that combination just doesn’t work.
From a solutions focused perspective looking at what brought the two of you together in the first place can help rekindle some of the feelings you once had. Often hormones play a part in how we feel, and after 2 years if offspring hasn’t happened those hormones change, so it’s no surprise that some relationships just naturally wear out, if there are no common interests.
I once saw a chap who was a serial relationship flop. He tended to go for older women, and some of them had already had children. He could virtually mark the calendar with when to expect his feelings to change, and was getting a little fed up with it. When I explained the hormonal response it at least explained these changes. After a few weeks though he made it clear he wasn’t going to marry this woman, who he’d been living with for the past 18 months but set up his own company. He realised his priority was too himself first. Love and marriage could wait a little longer.
I don’t know if he ever did find love, but I did manage to point out that there was a lot to be gained by a partnership. Men for example live longer when in a steady good relationship. Women may not however, but that also depends on how supportive their husbands are.
So if your partner insists, or demands that you take them out for a meal, just remind them every day how much you love and appreciate them, and see if they work out the rest themselves. If you’re a woman who is reading this, then perhaps feeling more confident in your relationship would stop measuring yourself against others all the time. Feel good that you have a man that loves, cares and responds.
If you’re single, then I hope you find what’s right for you. I know quite a few women who are much happier single, and that’s fine. If you’re happy with independence and can support yourself, and you don’t miss what you can have in a good relationship, that’s fine too. Just remember telling someone you love them is for life, not just Valentines day.