Tuesday 8th March is International women’s day
I was born in the middle of the second women’s liberation movement of the 1960s and 70’s. To me, it seemed perfectly natural that I was equal, and things would stay equal. Being brought up in a household with grandparents who were Victorian, my grandmother would often recount tales of her early life in Islington London. She was a feminist, but not in an aggressive way, but in supporting human rights and values. She was always urging me not to waste a vote, as she was 32 before she could legally vote.
But what does it truly mean to have parity as a woman?
I believe it means the right to being treated as an equal, to share my responsibilities with my partner and to be respected for my opinions. The boys I grew up with, who are now men also benefited from mothering by the women of this era, and this is a trend I have seen a decline in the last few years. I see it as the responsibility of parents and mothers to help develop an understanding in their offspring about parity – that we are equal and everyone deserves respect.
Sexuality
One area where I have noticed a change in attitudes in the last 20 years is sexuality. I was a teenager during the punk era; sex used as an “up yours” attitude towards the law. Ten years before it was peace, love and anything goes. Consequently, I realised quite young that to have “good self-esteem”, one had to have complete control and personal power not to be exploited.
I decided, for example, that I had to develop trust with a boyfriend, get to know him better before I would develop an intimate relationship with him. I did this because I observed in my peers what happened when these controls were not in place. In those days, it might just be the girl gets a reputation and has to contend with name-calling and worst-case scenario – pregnancy. Think of Rizzo in “Grease” or the Meatloaf song “paradise by the dashboard light”.
We were pretty naive back then. Take Jimmy Saville for example, he exploited hundreds of children of both genders but got away with it. Having met, and danced with JS at “Top of The Pops” back in 1980, I can see how he got away with it for so long. He came across so interested in me, asking me lots of personal questions. It’s interesting though, as others reported that they were flattered by his questioning – an adult taking an interest in them – I was slightly puzzled. When he asked me who I was with, he quickly pushed me away when I pointed out my rather muscly rugby-playing boyfriend.
Things have changed a great deal
Things have changed a lot since then, but I think it’s essential to have that self-esteem and personal power to be able to assess the situation. To make sure that it doesn’t matter if you decide you wish to be intimate with someone and when, and that it’s down to both of you to make that decision. A few weeks ago on BBC Radio Oxford, we were discussing whether sex education should be taught in school, or by the parents. Those of us in the discussion felt it more comfortable to talk to children about forming relationships and leave the biology to the schools.
One caller told us how he first had sex when he was 12 and accused me of being old fashioned in only allowing it within a relationship. But the point I was trying to make is that if you don’t have rules and boundaries and have an “anything goes” attitude. You’re opening up society for exploitation – which is exactly what has happened.
Our brains don’t fully develop until we are 21, so those of us in our teens that were in relationships often felt we knew it all. It’s when we look back in hindsight that we realise how immature we were. The connections we made in our 20’s proved to be much more long-lasting and meaningful.
To have parity, we need every person, not only in this country but across the world to understand what it means to be a woman. To be able to put it in context for those with religious beliefs that still denigrate gender equality, to unite in allowing us to be ourselves.
#PledgeForParity
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